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Surapijaku.kamu
Your Mom is so fat, the recursive function
computing her fatness causes a stack overflow.
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Go Here: lemonbugg.com
  quite possibly the only personal site out there updated less frequently than this one.

Read This: Count Zero
    William Gibson

 

Postcard for You!

Click It! Send It!

The internet is shit.

 




12 Nov 2005
On your public Daily Activity Log:
Work out all you want, you're still gonna look like that.

And it ain't helping.

http://?136


6 Nov 2005
it's nice to find out you were part of the collateral damage of a failed feminist experiment.

Glad you managed to find yourself.

Now go be independent with your own fucking last name.

http://?135


2 Nov 2005
FROM TODAYS EMAIL CONVERSATION WITH THE BOYS:
What I really wanna know - can you PLAY an ewok in the MMO Star Wars game? Are they IN the game? If so, do people play evil characters just so they can wholesale slaughter the little fuckers? I'd pay $9.95 a month to be able to do that. Hell, I'd make it my characters driving force to subjugate the entire race of ewoks and make them my slaves - then I'd shave them and fuck their women.

THE REPLY FROM CFNO:
Har that made me LOL. Honestly.

http://?134


23 Sep 2005
If you really wanna be my friend, you'll specifically buy me this Jesus t-shirt

http://?133


25 Jul 2005
Want to be my friend? Buy me one of These! (Gigabyte size, please)

The sheer coolness of this will make you my friend instantly. It will even bump those of you on the "Hate with a Passion" list to "Might piss on if they're on fire" list.

That is all.

http://?132


21 Jul 2005
Google Maps meets HotorNot!

really, if you cant find someone to meet with now, the internet has FAILED!

http://?131


7 Jul 2005
I AM FINE. So are all my peeps.

I was away from the office in central london when most of this went down, in a webhosting facility thats built similarly to NORAD.

We didn't even know shit was fucked before we walked by the bub and saw everyone staring at the TV, and it started raining. Two pints of Giness ddin;t take the edge off seeing Hopalong Georgie on the TV.

I'm using a bud's computer until I safely get my baby delivered back to me. Updates forthcoming as possible.

In good news, the rain finally broke abuot a half hour ago.

A) Thanks for caring
B) Whoever did this? Total Fucking Amateurs. Fuck you guys. Right in the ass.

http://?129


7 Jul 2005
Actually, its a little too warm here now.

3 days to vegas, and THIS.

ASSHOLES!

http://?130


16 May 2005
The first part of this is hysterically funny

The neo-partiotic comments afterwards turn my stomach, but whatever.

http://?128


7 May 2005
actual life conversation:

"Hey! The DVD is still playing!"

"Well, it's not like we're missing anything."

"No! There's actual plot and stuff!"

http://?127


28 Apr 2005
Wannt teach your kid to read?

WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT USE THESE HORRIFYINGLY AWFUL PHONICS FLASH CARDS

I mean, LOOK at those things. Those are fuking awful.

http://?126


16 Apr 2005
Epiphany for today:
You can tell a lot about a man by his desktop image.

yeahp.

http://?125


1 Apr 2005
Now, while I dont think the Pope slowly dying is funny; I DO think this is.

http://?124


23 Jan 2005
I have seen the coolest car commerical ever.

Its an advertisement for the Citroen C4, made by The Embassy Visual Effects Group.

More info on how they did it here.

I'd buy one of these now.

http://?123


19 Jan 2005
From a conversation RIGHT NOW:
I love my cigarette.
I'd fuck it if I could.

http://?122


11 Dec 2004
Idiotic Booth Superstition:
During the running of our show, the projections department will not wear shoes.

We did once, and we blew a cue during the show.

Shoes off, no mistakes.

S'True.

http://?121


28 Nov 2004
Most Relevant Election Statistic Ever.

I mean, really.

http://?120


21 Nov 2004
Overheard at work just now:
This year... I'm feeling EXTRA large...

yeah.

http://?119


26 Sep 2004
Dear Southwest Airlines,

Commercials that consist of nothing but a closeup of a screen with typing sounds in the background and not only passe, but sucked ass to start with.

Please stop it.

-sj

http://?118


11 Sep 2004
Third anniversary of 9/11, and we're still a bunch of fucking morons over it.

Please, people.

WE ARE NOT SPECIAL.

now i'm just waiting for all the retarded email forwards with the "united we stand - do not forget" theme.

http://?117


16 Aug 2004
Its called Doing a Lynndie, and it's awful yet brilliant.

Get on it.

http://?116


20 Jul 2004
H.R. 3313 is a complete violation of our rights as citizens. Write your congressman now.

http://?115


26 Jun 2004
TINFOIL IS YOUR FRIEND!

http://?114


10 Jun 2004
Quite possibly the Silliest Online Personal Ad I've been shown in a long time

WARNING: GIANT COCK ALERT! WORKPLACE DANGER!

http://?113


12 May 2004
I just watched the coolest movie yesterday: William Gibson - No Maps for These Territories

Get it at the site, or on amazon

http://?112


27 Jan 2004
Its called the motherfucking shocker, and since high school kids now do it, it's no longer cool.

Goddamnit.

http://?111


26 Jan 2004
This American Life, the greatest show on radio, just re-ran the story about The Greatest Voicemail Message of All Time (Real Audio File).

Really, if you have half a brain in your head, you'll listen to it; and unless you're dead, enjoy it.

http://?110


29 Dec 2003
Quite possibly the two highest compliments I've ever gotten:

Someone put this up as a friendster testimonial:
Tony is to anger as John Woo is to violence.

Then, a friend compared me to Holden Caulfield, but better:
I think of Holden as someone who dislikes people in the world. He's also not as crazy as people think he is. You've got a misanthropic vibe that puts Holden to shame. It's debatable whether or not you're as crazy a people think you are.

http://?109


10 Dec 2003
I just heard some country mook do a version of The LIttle Drummer Boy on the radio. Needless to say, he managed to fuck up one of my favorite songs.

For fuck's sake, people!

You DO NOT NEED TO FUCK WITH CHRISTMAS CAROLS.
Period.

Unless you're like Bing Crosby or something, you cannot add anything to it by fucking with it, SO PLEASE KNOCK IT OFF.

http://?108


6 Dec 2003
Being that it's once again Christmas Season; it's once again time to make fun of retarded people!

Origin of Burger King Kid can be found here.

Diiiiiing friiiies aaaaare dooooone...

http://?107


22 Nov 2003
I just watched a TiVo-ed episode of the Nov 20th ER
  1. HOLY FUCKING CHRIST THAT WAS THE BEST HELICOPTER WRECK EVER

  2. I think this show shuold be listed as melodrama from now on. Seriously. This is onle one step up from a soap these days, and I FUCKING LOVE IT.

  3. R.I.P. Dr. Romano. He was one of the last fun characters left, next to Frank, or course.

You all have permission to slap the shit out of me for talking this much about a fucking television show.

http://?106


7 Nov 2003
Matrix-Style Ping-Pong

You. Must. Click.

Really, I find the best shit on /.

http://?105


5 Nov 2003
Make sure you check out the interview with Ira Glass at The AV Club.

If you don't know who Ira GLass is, he runs the This American Life show on PRI.

Listen to it. Stream it in your office. Best eater of Bandwidth since Instant Messaging.

http://?104


4 Nov 2003
Three words:
The Sexy Cowboy
That's all I can say.

http://?103


28 Oct 2003
Kevin declares,

"The new fashion is Rod Stuart hair and ASS!"

http://?102


26 Oct 2003
Would you fuckers PLEASE STOP with the commercials that consist of nothing but fake typing sounds and showing the text magically appearing on a screen?

jesus christ.

http://?101


18 Oct 2003
Congrats to Stebby and his Blushing Bride.

Welcome to spending the rest of your miserable lives neverending bliss and happiness together.

PS - The balls go in the FREEZER. They'll go bad in the fridge. Don't ask how I know.

http://?100


13 Oct 2003
LET YER BALLS HANG FREE LIKE THE GOOD LORD MEANT THEM TO!

To quote my wife; "Fer Real!"

http://?99


11 Oct 2003
I LOVE Surviving Nugent.

I so wanna be on this show.

http://?98


9 Oct 2003
Margaret Cho Agrees with me!

Ann Coulter IS an evil Cunt!

http://?97


8 Oct 2003
I predict Kill Bill will motherfucking KICK ASS.

http://?96


2 Oct 2003
I just watched Will & Grace (because, you know, I'm a big homo) and I came to the realization: JESUS MOTHER OF FUCK! MIRA SORVINO IS HOT! HOTT!! HOTTT!!!

I'm just sayin'

http://?95


30 Sep 2003
My roommate just showed me the Glory that is The Wade Robeson Project. This is yet another Mtv show that's mainly about hot young dirtybutts dancing around dressed sluttily.

The episode I just watched features a girl who first thanks the Lord for helping her get there, and then proceeds to rip off her costume until she's wearing nothing but her shoes, kneepads, a 4" wide tube top, and CAMOUFLAGE HOT PANTS!

THANK YOU JESUS!

http://?94


25 Sep 2003
As evil as the empire of the mouse is, this shit is cool as motherfucking hell.

Of course, it'd be cooler if the thing could walk without a crutch, but Lucky only has TWO controllers.

And they said wireless technology was useless. I hope the control is encrypted, yeah?

http://?93


21 Sep 2003
Site like this are shining example of the addage:

"Becasue you CAN use Flash
doesn't mean you SHOULD use Flash."

http://?92


25 Aug 2003
My new Favirote song:

Stacy's Mom

The video also rocks.

This song has the added benefit of being completely hysterical when you substitute the name "Stacy" with the name of whomever you're with.

INSTANT MOM BASHING!

http://?91


21 Aug 2003
The sole reason I use our printer these days is because big fat Redford comes streaking into the room to make sure its not going to kill us.

s'cool.

http://?90


4 Aug 2003
YAAAAY REDHAT!

SCREW SCO AND ITS

WEASELY CORPORATE SCHNENNANIGANS! GOOOOO REDHAT!!!

http://?88


4 Aug 2003
Welcome to the Planet, Maxine Louise.

8:14 am
6 lbs., 7 oz.
18 inches long

Your Slappyjack Army Record will be set up for you once your dad days its okay.

http://?89


31 Jul 2003
TELEMARKETERS SUE GUB'MENT!
"Telemarketers expanded their legal challenge to the government's do-not-call list, suing a second federal agency over the call-blocking service for consumers that the industry says will devastate business and cost as many as two million jobs."

YAAAAY! Telemarketing business closing!

Yaaaay! Two Million of the shittiest most non-productive jobs will be destroyed!

YAAAAY!

We're Winning!!!!

http://?86


31 Jul 2003
This is one crazy motherfucker.

w00t!

http://?87


15 Jul 2003
I keep seeing this as a requirement for almost all job postings:
"Position requires excellent verbal and written communication skills"

Isn't this sort of a foregone conclusion for ANY and ALL jobs that require you to interact with anything short of machinery?

Really, people, stop padding your job postings. Please.

http://?83


15 Jul 2003
HUNTING FOR BAMBI!

What, Men are assholes?? WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?!?!?!?

My favorite part of this is how hard the Newscaster really tries to make this important and dangerous in some way.

Yet another example of how WE ARE ALL ASSHOLES!

Addendum: This is a hoax!

http://?84


15 Jul 2003
Look, I love Queer Eye for the Straight Guy as much as the next guy, but when the hell did Bravo decide to become The Lifetime of Gay Men?

I mean, Boy Meets Boy? Antiques Roadshow?

It's all so gay.

And good.

Bravo, Bravo!

http://?85


7 Jul 2003
This is What We're Up Against: A Music Industry that Should be Burned to the Ground

yep.

http://?60


7 Jul 2003
Shit log shit,
sweets and nougat,
and if you don't shit good,
I'll bash you with my stick.

Yep. "Shit Log"

I am so going to fucking Spain now.

http://?82


2 Jul 2003
Advantage # 32 of having a Big gay Roommate:

Innocuous statements like, "I'm gonna go open my back door," become indescribably funny.

http://?81


28 Jun 2003
see the:
GAY SHAME PHOTO ALBUM

A service of here

http://?80


27 Jun 2003
Have you noticed the fact that GWB uses the same tone of voice no matter what hes speaking about?

Topic: Americans dying while killing thousands of iraquis.
Tone: Stern yet slightly sad.

Topic: The country's donotcall.gov service goes online.
Tone: Stern yet slightly sad.

Topic: Attempted joke at yet another fundraiser.
Tone: Stern yet slightly sad.

Yes, that's OUR PRESIDENT, folks.

http://?79


5 Jun 2003
After seeing their performance on the newest Mtv Movie awards (MOTHER OF CHRIST!), Tatu is my new:

Most Favorite Band Of All Time

If you saw it, you'll know why.
If you haven't, watch the reruns. I will be.

EVERY TIME.

http://?78


16 May 2003
The Martix Reloaded

Holy Fucking-Fu!!!!

I could have done without the "Matrix-Techno-Orgy-Remix", though.

Carrie-Anne Moss? Very Pretty.

Trinity? Unbeleviably Fucking Hot.

You try to explain it. I can't. Maybe it's the motorcycles.

http://?77


8 May 2003
Coors Light. Crap Beer. Great Wimgman commercial.

Followed by the new Miller Light Commarcial.

Whatever.

Like it fucking matters.

http://?75


7 May 2003
I almost forgot...

Welcome to the Planet, Zackary Robert.

Unca Slappy will be home to see you soon.

http://?76


2 May 2003
Today I noticed that someone came to this site off the search

"is luther vandross gay?"

NO, He is VERY MUCH NOT, Thank You!

morons.

http://?74


30 Apr 2003
Question:
How many people have spent 2+ hours watching playoff hockey and spending untold dollars buying beer in a bar to only have the TV switched over to game #218 (of a 4,900+ season) of Major League Baseball somewhere with 4 minutes left in the 3rd with a tie score?

Follow up question:
How many people have then, after complaining about said channel-changing, gotten dirty, self-righteous looks from baseball fans, who then go back to reading their paper while their "game" is on?

i fucking hate basebell.

and it's fans.

and you.

http://?73


24 Apr 2003
I think I've had JUST ABOUT ENOUGH of all your goddamn buffoonery.

Knock it off.

http://?72


12 Apr 2003
Today it is raining.

A lot.

Because it is raining a lot, a common 50 mile trip to San Jose will take not 60 minutes, but somewhere around 130 minutes.

This is because the average Californian gets in their cars, notices it is raining, and a small voice in their starts going:

"AAAAAAAGGGGGH!!!! RAIN!!! CHRIST-SUCKING MOTHER OF FUCK, HOW AM I EXPECTED TO SURVIVE THIS!?!?! O' CRUEL BASTARDS OF WEATHER HOW CAN YOU ENDANGER MY LIFE WITH THIS?

I MUST NOT EXCEED 25 MPH IN SUCH A SQUALL!!!"

Assholes.

Every last one of you.

http://?71


27 Mar 2003
This morning, during a press conferecne, GWB just said,
"One question ... confused pause ... per ... question."

As a great man once said...

THIS is A FUCK!

http://?70


23 Mar 2003
College Basketball is awesome.

For my unfettered gaming time.

http://?69


19 Feb 2003
You know, the real problem with this country is that people are more concerned with not offending someone else's overly tender sensibilities than they are with getting shit done.

That, and the fact that most of you are fucking idiots.

http://?68


27 Jan 2003
Happiness is: When the local bar is staffed by a guy who remembers "Hey, it's that bald guy that drinks Boddingtons" and gives you a Happy Hour price without trying to talk your ear off.

http://?67


19 Jan 2003
Kangaroo Jack????

What The FUCK is this crap?

http://?66


18 Jan 2003
Is that New Miller Light commercial so controversial that it deserves actual extended news coverage and debate?

Isn't there like an impending war or something?

http://?65


6 Dec 2002
So Winona Ryder's SHOPLIFTING trial counts as Breaking News?

A SHOPLIFTING TRIAL IS BREAKING NEWS?

NO, IT IN FACT IS MOST DECIDEDLY NOT BREAKING NEWS. NOT IN THE FUCKING SLIGHTEST

FUCK YOU, AMERICAN MEDIA.FUCK YOU DIRECTLY IN YOUR TIGHT LITTLE CORPORATE CONTROLLED UNIMAGINATIVE ASSES, YOU STUPID FUCKERS.

GO AHEAD, ASK ME AGAIN WHY THIS FUCKING COUNTRY ADN ITS SORRY EXCUSE FOR A CULTURE PISSES ME OFF SO GODDAMN MUCH.

And in case you didn't get the point:

FUCK YOU.

http://?64


1 Dec 2002
Actual Conversation from my life:

"Honey, Christmas is a holiday, not a competition."
"EVERYTHING.
IS.
A.
COMPETITION."

http://?63


23 Oct 2002
NOT-ACCEPTABLE CLOTHING TO WEAR TO A HOCKEY GAME:
Any article of clothing with Depeche Mode written on it.
I don't care how Euro OR depressed you are. You're at a Hockey game. Cheer the fuck up.

http://?62


17 Oct 2002
Seen on the HIGH ON FIRE website, in the reviews section:

"I heard someone mention that the new High On Fire cover art is "too Metal"...well I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but there is no such thing...and High on Fire is metal...very metal."

You MUST get the mp3s of this band.
so. good.

http://?61


12 Aug 2002
So i just saw the actual non-commercial video for that "Days go By" song

Brilliant.

http://?59


7 Aug 2002
"Jews for Jesus are just like bisexuals. They just need to choose one or the other."

Actual quote from this coolass lesbian I met last weekend.

Ask me again why I live in San Francisco.

http://?58


31 Jul 2002
PLEASE REPEAT AFTER ME:

AMERICAN IDOL IS NOT A VALID TV SHOW IN ANY WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM

People, your love of shows like this is exactly why

i
hate
each
and
every
single
one
of
you.

http://?57


12 Jul 2002
http://www.mlbfanstrike.com/

Read it. Love it.

I won't be watching any games that day.

http://?56


2 Jul 2002
"...and my dad is just standing there, in the middle of this giant vagina!"
        - Writer Gary Shteyngart

and people say NPR is booring.

http://?55


2 Jul 2002
I just made the mistake of wasting hours of my day watching Kevin Costner's epic. Waterworld.

jesus h christ.

http://?54


27 Jun 2002
g'night, Mr Entwistle. g'night, Boris.

goddamnit. Why can't these things happen to like N'Suck or something.

http://?53


23 Jun 2002
According to VH1's Behind the Music, Hootie and the Blowfish are putting another album out.

I'm all a-twitter.

http://?52


17 Jun 2002
So Team USA pulled out an upset over Mexico to go to the Semi-Finals.

Network TV still won't cover Soccer. Ya can't cut to a commercial.

http://?51


15 Jun 2002
I just brought this peice of crap feature back, so bear with me...

http://?50


10 Nov 2001
stolen from Interactive Week On the imbalance of pull between corporate copyright holders and the average internet user:

"Britnry Spears' music is better protected [online] today than your identity"

- RICHARD PURCELL
Director of the corporate privacy group at Microsoft

Thanks, Operator No.9

http://?15


20 Aug 2001
Overheard in the office today:
"So how do you spell testicles?"

http://?2


3 Jul 2001
Overheard in the office today:
"They smelled so bad, they could've been french!"

http://?3


13 Mar 2001
"The thing about it all being Jeremy's fault is it all could have just as easily all been my fault."
- Paul
on assigning blame

http://?6


12 Mar 2001
Nothing is better than the look on a chicks face after she hits on you in the laundromat and then notices you're folding lots of panties.

http://?7


5 Mar 2001
So I've gone 132 hours without a cigarette, and G-Man sends me this:

I'm not saying that quitting soda is as hard as quitting smoking, but the other day, I was in line for a burrito, and the guy behind me ordered a "large Mr Pibb." And I think I heard it as "A LARGE SERVING OF SWEET BUBBLY GOODNESS FOR ME, NONE FOR THIS LOSER HERE!!!"

Nope, its not the same.

I can still stand downwind from smokers.
suckerrrrrrrr!

http://?8


1 Mar 2001
So I now have a new favorite cartoon to watch on Saturday mornings while I eat my oatmeal: X-Men:Evolution.

Jean Grey is so hot.

you know, for a cartoon and all.

http://?9


28 Feb 2001
its ash wendesday. You know, when lent starts.

Like an idiot i think about giving up cigarettes and mention it to the wife so now theres no going back.

Now i'm all twitchy and cant even have a nice salami sandwich, because its no meat on Ash Wednesday.

When I was a kid and I'd give up something like chocolate, itd be gong crazy after about four minutes and my mother (who I'm sure learned this from my great-grandmother) would say,

"Oh, so you're dying, hunh? Now imagine Jesus hanging on the cross for your sins for 3 hours... how do you think that felt to him?

I think you can do this for Him, now, don't you?"

Catholics, man. we're all a bunch of superstitious freaks.

http://?10


26 Jan 2001
So theres this site, www.mrwinkle.com. Yeah, I know.

This is a prime example of the proliferation of women who wear gray sweatshirts with kitties and bunnies and teddy bears silkscreened on the front of them online.

kill me.

http://?18


11 Jan 2001
More Office Talk:
Abnormal: You know, there are very few hits on Google when you look for "lonely employee".

http://?11


11 Jan 2001
"We just want to evolve with our core audience. That's what the Stones did."
-Justin Timberlake of 'N Sync
(I found this on Esquire's365 Reasons to Kill Yourself. Fairly ok stuff.)

http://?12


10 Jan 2001
Today I was waiting to pick up somone at SFO's international terminal. I bummed a cig off this guy and it tirned out to be from NANJING.

As in Nanjing, China.

Communist Cigarettes.

How friggin cool is that?

I fully expect to wake up with my Lungs on fire tomorrow.

http://?14


20 Dec 2000
More Office Talk:
Abnormal: I don't know if this will work or not...
Miss Trisha: AAAAAH!
Abnormal: I guess not.

http://?16


8 Dec 2000
Office Talk:
Miss Trisha: Has anyone seen Chicken Run yet?
Abnormal: I had the chicken runs once.
All: OOOOOOOOOOOHHHH!!!!!

http://?17


20 Jul 2000
You know how you find them little stress zits, especially the ones near your mouth, and you just can't help touching them and causing yourself blinding pain over and over and over???

I hate those.

that is all.

http://?19


16 May 2000
"Oops, I did it Again"
I may be wrong, but isnt that an ABBA song?

http://?20


28 Mar 2000
Nothing wakes you up faster that getting to work and walkin gy one of them people that smell "permanently hempy"

yow. faster than coffee.

http://?21


10 Mar 2000
Actual quotes from my Life:
"We're from Western Pennsylvania and Upstate New York, We know Spumanti."
-my lovely wife    

"I didn't just get picked up, we planed this online last week."

-Sassy    

http://?22


2 Feb 2000
Actual quote from my morning workplace conversation:
"A lesbian with carpal tunnel is just sad..."
-angie    

yow.

http://?23


17 Jan 2000
I'm glad to see the new Family Feud kept the old-school rule:
Your team MUST have the stupidest family member on it, and they must stand in the "anchor position"

http://?24


17 Jan 2000
Dont like the redesign?
Can't see anything?
chnge yer goddamn resolution, puckhead.

http://?25


16 Dec 1999
MTV managed to do it again...
100 top videos of all time?
MY ASS

http://?26


28 Nov 1999
My new brother-in-law said this to me in the first 10 minutes after we met.

"The thing you have to keep in mind about cats, I've found, is their flammible qualities."

That boy is brilliant.

http://?27


14 Nov 1999
ENOUGH with the goddamn non-coverage of the friggin' plane crash.

Wanna know what they found on the black box? Heres your scoop:

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!" "OH MY FUCKING GOD!" "WE'RE CRASHING, HELP!!!" "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" "SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!" "ALLAH HELP US!!! "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!" "WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!"

http://?28


9 Nov 1999
Paul Jack.
Never ask him to prove to you he's got balls.
it won't be pretty.
trust me on this.

http://?29


4 Nov 1999
Fourth sign that I live in Northern California:
"Organic Non-Dairy Green Tea" Chocolate Bars

http://?30


2 Nov 1999
$6.50 in Street Vended Flowers

=e=q=u=a=l=s=

Great Sex Later.

Its magic, baby.

http://?31


19 Oct 1999
I like that new TLC video, 'cause they show the Doc pullin that big bag outta that chicks tit.

cool.

oh yeah, and 'cause Left-eye is kinda hot.

even if she's got a retarded name.

http://?32


19 Oct 1999
Old emails.

save 'em. they may do you some good someday.

http://?33


12 Oct 1999
Paul was just doing techno in my apartment.
now J is doing it.

help me.

please.

http://?34


12 Oct 1999
Search That Pulled Up My Site of the Week:
women fucking rhinos

Now, i don't want to be one to judge, but God-DAMN that one's specific. Does this really exist on the web?

http://?35


26 Sep 1999
How great is my life?
Amazing new Apartment.
Great new gig.
      the topper...
I got a blowjob in the women's bathroom of The Paradise Lounge

my life fucking rocks.

http://?36


24 Sep 1999
Search That Pulled Up My Site of the Week:
" bratwurst porn "

http://?37


16 Sep 1999
I win

http://?38


9 Sep 1999
Mtv Video Music Awards
On the Backtreet Boys: Gents, dressing in black leather and having a ubddy in the background that can play something resembling a rock guitar riff will not change the fact that you guys are a bunch of prettyboy pussies brought together by one thing - the matketing machines need to get a bunch of white boys out there singing some kinda soul/weak hop crap.

Do us all a favor - stay in your fucking prepubescent girl demographic and stay the hell off our televisions.

http://?39


7 Sep 1999
Furniture.

She's consulting me on furniture.

Like I know a good goddamn about ANYTIHNG concerning furniture.

Note for the girls:
You see furniture you like - buy it. He's either
A) Not going to care
B) Knows furniture is your domain and won't say a godadmn thing if he's got half a brain
C) Will say something if he doesnt like it. In this casse - dump him, 'cause hes gay.

http://?40


25 Aug 1999
cunt.

TLoML can freely use the word cunt conversationally.

I AM the luckiest boy in the world.

http://?41


15 Aug 1999
Possibly the most endearing piece of email I've ever gotten:
Subject:
  i'm so drunk. ..
Date:
  Thu, 12 Aug 1999

8it just took me three times to log into my emai. ..

i'm on my way home right now. if you call me in , like , 40 mintues i'll be all gushy.

love,
j


Funny thing:
This is the woman who makes nonstop fun of my typing abilities, though they're put to use for her benefit with highly charming hourly emails 5 days a week...

Of course, by the time I got home and called, she was out cold - probably drooling an stuff.

http://?42


10 Aug 1999
So i was watching Undressed on Mtv tonight and realized:
This is basically Mtv's version of them Cheesy Softcore Boobie Movies they always show on Cinemax,
but there are
NO BOOBIES

What's the fucking point?
Couldn't they rerun something cool like Daria or something?
Did someone in programming lose a bet?

 

also...
The Glassers showed me this and I registered my goofy ass on it. Go to Fireseek and vote on my site.

Leave a comment.
Tell me I suck.

Maybe all the little buttons and forms will get more response out of you fuckers who are too goddamn lazy to pop me an email.

http://?43


3 Aug 1999
There are times when 99 hours don't seem like a long time, and there are times when it can feel like forever

http://?44


27 Jul 1999
yogurt.
it does a body good.
Especially in large quantities, specially prepared.

http://?45


20 Jul 1999
I met a friend of a friend at an after hours get together the other night. We were talking and I floored him with one word:
Dirtybutt
- n. teenage girls seen hanging out trying to look older by dressing generally a but more adult than they should. Typical habitat - food court.
Usage: "Dude, lookit the little dirtybutts over by Orange Julius - man I wish i was 15 again.."

http://?46


12 Jul 1999
Actual Quote from my life:
"just think of it as the Blue Screen of your love for me..."

http://?47


29 Jun 1999
I now actually own...
(the doc told me admitting it was the first step to recovery) GAP CLOTHES!!!
forgive me.

clothes don't make life fun.
its a fact.

http://?48


28 Jun 1999
There is nothing better than a goodnight call that is so perfectly timed.

http://?49


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