c'mon... do it. do it with me

aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHH!!!!!

YOU! Yeah, you! In the boxers with his hand on the pump thinking this was a porno site...
do it.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHH!

"...but Slap," you ask, "why would YOU of all people need scream therapy?"

'Cause I freakin' do that's why.

Life is still good, don't get me wrong. It could just be going a little smoother.

Like you care - my audience of "when's he gonna say fuck? who's he gonna tell to kiss his ass?"

Nobody this week, gentle reader. I do have a story for you, But after a few mad Props:

• Genni and John took the plunge. She looked Radiant in her dress, he sobered up from his bachelor party just in time to look show he was the luckiest boy in the world, They had crossed Hockey Sticks at the "altar".
  Good Luck, kids.
  Congrats

• http://www.user.fh-stralsund.de/~hsellen/ - I got no friggin' idea who he is, but I get links from him. Dankeschoen

• Gwenyth Paltrow's Breasts. - They still get me more hits than anyone else out there.

• Brittany Spears.
  She hasn't done anything for me, but if I mention her enough I'll get hits from that, and maybe she'll be grateful enough for the free mention she'll show me HER boobs...

...and stops...

...and bends over...

...stands up, holds a little brown thing over his head, and announces...

"OKAY! WHO LOST THE HITTER!?!?"

For those of you even more clueless than I, a "hitter" - as it's known - is this little box just smaller than a pack of smokes. It holds a little pot and a tiny little pipe that will hold enough doob for one pull.

We make a little joke about it belonging to Carol (she's been there for like forty years and we all love her pain in the ass - 'nuff said) and laughed for a minute... Waiter-boy is still holding this thing over his head yelling "I SAID 'who dropped the hitter?'!"

I notice the guys sitting at the table behind him, and they're trying to look all cool and chuckle about it, when one of them non-smoothly says "...uh, uhm, i'll buy that from you..."

dork.

Now, I enjoy drugs about as much as I enjoy having an old rusty drill bit worked into my testicles by a ninety-year-old emphasimatic with a hand drill, but I do know this:

there's nothing more embarassing than losing your hitter at the bar.

Slap Out

7 Sep 99

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