Dear Britney Spears,

So you did drugs. I do not care.

You show me a 21 year old who's from an urban environment and I'll show you
someone who's most likely tried drugs once in their lives.

You want me to care? Make another one of them hot "look-at-my-titties"
videos and then maybe I'll care again.

for a second.

~SlappyJack

Dear Supreme Court,

Thank you for making it legal for me and my friends to fuck people in the ass,
and for doing it just in time for Pride Weekend.

There's a nice fruit basket coming to you, just my little way of saying "thanks."

~SlappyJack

Dear Baseball,

I still think you suck.

~SlappyJack

Dear America,

Just because he's dead now, that doesn't mean we need to say nice things about Strom Thurmond.

He was not an "Elder Statesman", he was a "Bigoted Asshole."

Please keep these things straight in your mind.

~SlappyJack

Dear Average Internet user,

When the people on T.V. tell you to not open attachments from people you don't
know, they mean do not open attachments from people you don't know, EVER.

You assholes.

~SlappyJack

Slap out

27 Jun 03

PS - I still need a job. gimme one.

ADDENDUM - 29 Jun 03

More for the mailbag, from a member fo the SlappyJack Army!

Dear Coors:
  Thank you for your distorted view of reality and inviting all underaged kids to drink. Everybody knows that when you drink shitty, watered down beer, you can instantly "rock your body" on the dance floor, listen to "hot music" from Kid Rock and the Scorpions, and pick up hot women just because you're a GUY. You're right, Coors beer is the modern version of Popeye's Spinach. Just pop a can down your throat and you're INSTANTLY the embodiment of all that is manly, hip and COOL. Thank you for your constant assertions and all those homoerotic commercials of a buncha douche bags being "manly" in clubs. Everyone knows that being another stereotypical COOL guy who likes HOT MUSIC, FAST CARS and FAST WOMENS is akin to having a giant infalatable penis sitting in your front lawn. (oh wait, apartment.. cool party guys dont' have actual houses). Thank you the celebrations of all that is uncreative and craptacular.

Yer Pal,
ES

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