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i don't care

You know from reading this page that I do tech support. I'm not real big on it, But I do it and it pays my bills. The sole objective of almost anybody that does technical support of computers is one thing:

To Stop Doing Tech Support.

Hands down. No Contest. I hate - dare I say - despise, what I do for a living. It isn't even that hard of a job, fixing most of the problems, and I like working with computers.

However...

You people out there have just GOT to pull your heads out of your asses. Now, I know a bunch of you out there are getting all pissed off, and a large group of you aren't. Most likely the people who are taking this poorly are the people I'm talking about.

Who are these people and why did I pick out this moment to spew my hatred of them?

Lets go a little way back in time, like last night.

Most of the callers have the routine problems; I dont't know my own password, how do I use my mail, can you teach me to write my webpages, what is this glowing box in front of me. I handle them, and even have a slightly decent time.

AND THEN...

I get the first of my annoying calls. "My son needed a way to carry large files around and so I decided to install a Jazz drive so I just popped in a SCSI card and now I have conflicts all over the place."

Yeah, really big surprise.

After wrestling this woman's machine for 40 minutes I manage to get her into BIOS to free up the resources I need. This all happed with many sighs and "No, that's not here... oh wait..." We get the card installing just fine and the machine wants the Win95 CD.

To which she comes out with "Oh, I better get that from my brother's house..."

What?

WHAT?

WHAT IN THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING???

Who in their right mind would start ripping open their machine without the freaking CD on hand?

So she goes away, thankfully, and my brain is starting to boil.

Then the next magic call comes in: "Hi, My stuff isnt't working. Probably because I just reinstalled Windows 95 again." Turns out this guy's daughter downloaded a virus and it ate the hell out of his machine and he had to do it.

HOWEVER. After squeezing the information out of him about what happened and telling him things like "Now, your machine is going to ask you to restart it in a minute, don't do it." To which he says in another minute "OK, I'm restarting the machine now." It turns out the tech that set up his machine and NIC for him "Had a really hard time getting it all to work and I don't know what he did..."

Of course, the guy who installed the thing didn't deem it necessary to document what he had to do, so I'm basically screwed.

Niteher of these poeples machines got fixed. Why? Part of it was that contrary to popular opinion, techs you call on the phone DO NOT have a cable plugged into their head that feeds them with information on everything from "Why do they send me free software when I can't use it" to "How do I get my kid's Happy-Scrappy Hero Pups CDROM-O-FUN into my machine when I don't have a CDROM" to "Whaddya MEAN you're not gonna refund my money for all the business cards I had printed with the wrong email address".I don't know, and to be completely honest:

I don't Fucking Care.

Part of it was also that unfortunately we don't have a big machine that will alert us when a customer is going to do something incredibly stupid to their machine. Something they have no idea about at all, but hey, we got free tech support 11 buttons away, so we really don't need the manuals.

This mostly comes down to one thing. Patience. People lack it. Severely. In a big way.

I'd like to see how folks today would get along 50 years ago, when business hours were business hours, Sunday was a day of rest, and people were responsible for their actions.

People call at three in the morning, poeple call on sunday, people call on major holidays. Typically the more odd the time they call, the more fucked their machine is. Unfortunately the one thing they don't realize is: We Don't Give a Damn. Were here to do our jobs, yes, but the ONLY reason we're working Sunday at 6am, or Christmas day while our families are eating a nice dinner, or Friday night while most of you are home relaxing after the end of a hard week of honest work is:

Corporate Jerks (another group of fine computer destroyers, but they rarely have the honesty to admit THEY had anything to do with it) somewhere along the line decided that customer service is tantamount to all else, reason be damned.

So remember that next time you wanna call tech support and bitch because you can't chat online in leiu of getting out and socializing (no, I'm NOT responsible for you getting banned from your favorite IRC channel because you pissed off an Op with petty politics), or when you find boobie pix on your machine your 12 year old (I'm not responsible for half the things you call about, anyway, much less the fact you can't raise your kid on your own), or frantically trying to get the logs of your erotic cyberaffair out of your machine before the spouse finds them (your fault you logged them in the first place), or that you didn't think about WHATEVER...

I don't care in the slightest. You're a user, and should know better than to pull your machine apart, just like you know better than to try to replace the transmission in your car.

10 Jan 98

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