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vacation.

wow.

I, your humble ranter and rambler, have just had the best vacation a boy could ever want.

interrant comment...

Johnny Bravo has teamed up with Scooby Doo and the gang and they do an old style Scooby episode. Now they're doin' Schoolhouse Rock...

Man, how the fuck could you NOT love Cartoon Network. This shit is BRILLIANT.

I went to the left coast for a little Relaxation and Revelation and things couldn't have been sweeter. I came home Tanned, Rested, and Ready - only to be completely back to my permanent case of the ass by 11.30 in the workday...

typical.

I also got to see one of the funniest friggin' things ever...

The first thing we did was to get the hell out of SFO and drive down to Santa Cruz to hang out on the boardwalk and be anonymous to the rest of the world. It was relaxing, it was calm, i slept till eleven-freakin'-thirty... or something like that.

The only way I can describe Santa Cruz, or at least the section we were in:
Stucco Trailer Park by the Sea.

Charming as all hell. Romantic Magic - really.

no, really... i'm not kidding.

We went and hung in "Neptune's Castle", ate bad food, walked the concrete, bought ugly tchochkes, paid way too much to ride crappy rides - except for the TILT-A-WHIRL!!!

King of All Carnival Rides; and I, ladies and Gentlemen, am a pro tilt-a-whirl rider.

After a good minute or two of dizziness under the watchful eye of what I'm sure was a highly trained 17 year old, we had to go sit down.

We sit on a bench in front of this little stage that has a bigass sign on it saying

THE SHIRRELLES TONIGHT AT 6:30 AND 8:30

which I thought was pretty goddamn cool.

Next to us sits another couple which can only be described as the Vinnie Barbarino for the 90's and his moll. I think they asked us for the time or something...

...and then it happened...

I look up into the form of this... woman. The penultimate boardwalk denizen, 400 pounds if she was an ounce, requisite short hair to make her look smaller, and a mouth that ain't seen dental work since Ike was in office.

I blink.

twice.

This gives Melba enough time to ask me a question - Now, i don't really know how to describe her voice. Its kinda like the problem John has describing his best friend in A prayer for Owen Meany. Words wont do it justice, but the best thing I can think of is an old cabby from Queens that's smoked 3 packs of Camel Straights a day since he was three.

"HEY, WHAT'S GOING ON OVER THERE?"

"It's a stage for the Shirrelles concert tonight..."

...slight pause as the brain cells rub together and form a thought - pensive look...

"WHO THE HELL ARE THE SHIRRELLES?"

"you know... they were a girl group back in the sixties..." (please, please god... make this a sufficient explanation so I can stop living in fear and go back to enjoying my weekend)

"WELL... I AIN'T NEVER HEARD OF 'EM, AND I'm FORTY SEVEN YEARS OLD"

At this point my mouth gapes open, fearing that I'm going to have to explain the fucking chronology of the girl groups of Motown before she'll leave us alone.

Luckily, Vinnie can't take it anymore and says "maybe you just weren't that hip back in the day"

"WHAT DID YOU SAAAAAYYYYY?"

Budah is now quivering from trying not to laugh - either that or she was fearing we'd all be eaten.

Vinnie: "oh, nuthin"

"NO, REALLY, I DON'T HEAR SO GOOD"

"I said, uh, maybe it was before your day..."

"OH, WELL, I GOTTA GO. GOT STUFF TO DO"

Her Keeblerness and I are now doubled over from trying not to laugh. Titanor the Loud moves off, sparing us from hearing her itinerary for the afternoon. I grab the elf's hand and we beat feet for video game fun.


More borderline-cool hilarity happened that day; but as you all know, me mangling one story per day is about the limit. Go read Sophia and Buck's story over at bootyquake.com [actually, bootyquake.com is now dead, dead, daid!]. But only after reading the following comments to keep in mind while you read it:

~ The fact that I whupped her ass in Rod Hockey two games straight right before the story opens is oddly absent
~ There was no ass whupping on anyone's part during the "Neptune's Castle Golf Classic"
~ As scary as it is: the ENTIRE rest of if is 100% true.

honest.

Slap out.

29 Jun 99

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