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Loosley directed anger, served up hot
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the baby club is recruiting!

See, I'm gonna be 32 years old.

When you get this old, people you know start pushing out the babies. Thanks to the modern miracle of the internet, we can all be kept abreast of the daily growth and miraculous development of all these sweet little munchkins. [not all the same baby]

Last night I finally snapped and sent this email out to a friend:

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
So, you know how people generally point at me and say "Yeah, thats him.
Thats the guy that killed [slap's wife], the Fun [slap's wife]..."

We'll I'd personally like to thank you for being the reason I had to sit
through yet another round of:

"we're gonna have kids when we get back from japan, in a couple years...
and of course we're going to have to move to Palo Alto so they can get
into decent public schools... and they'll have first names from family
members and middle names from Peanuts characters... and of course I'll
stay home for a few years..."

Now, its not that I don't expect these conversations to come up, but I
was at a lesbian party, with big dykey lets-go-get-drunk-and-fall-down
lesbians.

Angie had even dubbed me "Tina" so i could go to the lesbian sex show
with them...

The thing is, I can't even stay mad at all you parent people because you
keep sending pictures of cuteass little babies.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

of course, being that the new parents don't ever get to sleep this sleep-deprived reply was sent back to me at some ungodly hour in the morning:

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
yeah, we're a virus.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I tell yah, once you get married, it's all downhill from there; then out of bitterness you try to pull all your friends into the no-sleep poop-covered money-burning inlaw-bringing parent-to-grandparent-promoting joy that is new parenthood.

All so 20 to 30 years from now you can take all the people you made and try to push them into the same pit of dispair...

[INSERTIA: (25 Jul 01) One of my older friends has been a member of the baby club for over 7 years now... He wanted to remind me that being a Dad, he's the one that gets to enjoy when the little rats get old enough to want to pull shit like this. GO, LITTLE GUY! GO!!!]

Ah, I can't wait to get there myself. Late Congrats to all the New Parents out there.

It's people like them making new people like them that will hopefully stem the oncoming tide that is slowly changing "Must See TV" from sitcoms to Blood Sports and Hardcore Pornography.


In other news, you should really go to this site: http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/Suite/4188/Links.html

...and listen to the calls on there, They rule! You should listen to these in this order:
        BAD RONALD REAGAN IMPRESSION 1
        BAD RONALD REAGAN IMPRESSION 2
        CAUGHT!
        THE PHONE COMPANY CALLS!

I love this guy.

Slap Out

24 Jul 01

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Go Here: Possibly the best break-up letter ever.
Many, Many thanks to e-pauly for digging this up and making it available to us all. You gotta like any letter that uses the phrase: cinnamon ring.

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    Quentin Tarantino
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you wish you were me.
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Notes from the Front: One man's thoughts on the Quokka Auction

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