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Talkin' smack since 1997
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Thoughts on
MORE LIVE NUDE SLAPPYJACK!

So If you didn't know, I was on TV this weekend. There's no link because they didn't put up a streaming version. Whatever.

One of my loyal readers actually DID get up early enough to watch it and had this to say...


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Subject: okay, okay, I got up at 6 am to watch slap
     To: slappyjack@slappyjack.com


okay, okay, I got up early on sunday morning for my six o'clock cup of slap. if 
you really haven't seen it yet, maybe you shouldn't read further.

****** SPOILERS*****

If your mail program doesn't support formatted text then you are fucked and you 
are going to see this anyway.

I was fucking disgusted at this feature story.  Not only do they run your site 
right alongside fuckteenagepissdrinkers (and other perfectly worthy entertainment 
sites), but the whole spot just smacks of uppity investor intolerance.  They 
are just begging for a reason to feel better than anyone at this point.  "I just 
lost my shirt in the stock market, but look ma, I don't have to work for those 
evil smut peddlers." 

They took your comments out of context and made it seem like you're some morally 
bankrupt computer wonk with no care for anything but the paycheck.  And the 
glibness of little miss tv journalist at the end just about choked me to tears. 
Hinting so snidely that you poor desperate IT wankers might not want to put 
this job on your resume-hehheh.

And what was that little clip of you at the beginning, yawning at the screen and 
cracking your back?  What did they do, shoot two hours of tape for just the 
right moment that would make you seem like a monitor dazed code monger who never 
lifts his head to sniff the moral manna that CBS is peddling?

Fuck that show.  Worst journalism I've seen in years. 

Typifies the whole reason I don't get up at 6 am on Sunday Morning to watch my 
investments.  When I want to watch my investments grow, I just stop flushing the 
toilet for a few days.

****** END SPOILERS******

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Yeahp. THAT, my friends, it a true slappyjack reader!


So I have this old mentor from College that is one of those guys that likes to...
forward things.

Normally I tell people like that to take all these extra bits and stuff them where the sun don't shine, but about once a week from this guy I get magical little gems like this:


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Now here's an idea worth considering...

When you get those pre-approved letters in the mail for everything from credit cards to 2nd Mortgages and junk like that, you know most of them come with postage paid return envelopes, right? Well, why not recycle some of your other junk mail by putting it in those cool little envelopes!

Send an ad for your local chimney cleaner to American Express. Or a pizza coupon to Citibank. If you didn't get anything else that day, then just send them back their own application form! Just make sure your name isn't on anything you send them. Heck, you can send it back empty if you just want to keep 'em guessing!

Let's turn this into a chain letter! Eventually, the banks and credit card companies will begin getting all their crap back in the mail. Let's let them know what it 's like to get junk mail, and best of all THEY'RE paying for it! Twice!

Once these fatcats' mailboxes get sufficiently stuffed with undesired mail, maybe the US Postal Service would re-think their low rates, and the US Congress would re-think their postal laws, that allow these rich companies to send out so much throwaway crap to us cheaply, leaving us millions of recipients to bear the recycling effort and cost, while charging us much more to send our own (wanted) personal mail.

But remember to leave identifying info off of anything that you send this way--it may actually be a crime to mail a business reply envelope containing anything other than what the business intended for you to put there.

Please remove all identifying information about the chain of people who have passed this e-mail to you; clean up its formatting; and then send it along to a friend, or two or three...or fifty...hopefully those who are upset as we are at having to "recycle" this paper waste (since it mostly ends up in landfills anyway). - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

There's your marching orders, Kiddies. Stuff them envelopes. As a word I shouldn't have to tell you:

Make sure none of the stuff you send back to them has names or codes on it that could identify you in any way. If you have to, just send back only the envelope all this crap came in in the first place, it'll still cost them.

A natural extension of this would be to not only send back junk, but to go online, download and print some really disgusting stuff (like scat or bukake or something else wholesomely pornographic and visually freightening to the letter handlers in the midwest) onto the bottom of letters with the following text on the top:


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WOW!

Thanks so much for your letter.  As a shut-in I don't get to correspond with 
people much. Even online, no one seems to like me - I just can't figure out why.

Since you obviously care so much about me, I'd like to share with you some of 
my hobbies.  Currently I'm really into amassing as much media I can on the 
subject of [insert bizzare topic of interest here].  I printed out a picture of 
what thats all about below...

I Love you,
Your Friend
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I'm not really sure how legal it would be to send a pair of boobies smeared with feces to a solicitor, but god-daymn would it be funny.

Slap Out

2 Jul 01

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